Twirlybee

I am well aware that I am an emotional eater.  Food numbs the pain of my problems and helps me forget how hard life can be.  Eating brings me comfort and happiness when I can’t find it anywhere else.  I’m afraid to remove my safety net of overeating because I feel like each day will be unbearable without it.  I’m afraid that the void inside of me, if left unfilled with food, will be too overwhelming.   Lately I’ve been stressing about money (or rather, my lack of money) and it makes me want to pig out.  I got two donuts and a very sugary coffee tonight to stuff down my feelings.  It always tastes so good going down but then the guilt and regret creep in.  Somehow this lesson never hits home, however, because I keep repeating this vicious cycle.  I’m hoping that by venting on this blog I will be able to diffuse some of the intense emotion that always makes me want to eat.  Baby steps.  That’s all I can do. 

How is it possible to lose so much motivation in a matter of 12 hours?  I started my day yesterday ready to lose weight, count my points, and be conscious of every little thing I put in my mouth.  Breakfast was very disciplined, lunch not so much but still good, and dinner was down the tubes.  Forget about late night when I get the major munchies.  I was craving chocolate ice cream in the worst way.  Fortunately I didn’t have any in the freezer so I opted for slices of cheese and pb&j on an english muffin (all I had in the house) — not that those are great options either.  I’m convinced that if I could just resist the nighttime eating I would automatically lose 10 pounds without any effort.  Maybe if I try sucking on some sugar free candies? Or maybe a platter of veggies and low calorie dip?  Better yet, I could learn how to knit or do something that will keep my hands busy.  Time to brainstorm.  Anywyay, today is off to a good start and I’m keeping my fingers crossed that my willpower prevails.  Diet Gods be with me today!